Old Blog

Wrote this last year, August 20.

August 20, 2008
10:31am

I hate the rain

I’m here in front of my pc, getting ready for the day’s work. Its cold and pouring hard outside, I suddenly felt sad, a bit melancholic. Maybe because I woke up at the wrong side of the bed or I had a hard time going to the office because of heavy rain and the oh-so famous traffic in EDSA and a P300.00 deduction for my cab. I hate it!

I don’t like the rain, never liked it since I was a kid. The only time I like the rain is when they declare “no classes” way back in primary school. I’m scared of the lightning and I’m not comfortable when I walk the streets with water all over. Rain makes me gloomy, makes me write and think of life, especially my past.

Sometimes I ask myself what career path I have to take or maybe NEED to take. I’ve always wanted to become a pre-school teacher, or put up a school for kids or be a guidance counselor. I took up Psychology because I want to be exposed to people and share what I need to share to them. But I needed to shift to Nursing because my mom wanted me to. It was a hard and sudden decision to make but out of respect I took it. I transferred to another school, adjusted to a new environment and to a new course that I never even thought of taking. It was all too fast but eventually, I learned to like the course, I thought “I need to pass all the exams so I have no choice but to study and be good in what I do” and so I did. I graduated then took the Nursing Licensure Board exam and thank God I passed. My mom was happy, my family from New York and California too and I was also happy, I think. Yes, it’s an achievement and a reward from the 3 yr hard work and it all paid off. But then, is this really what I want?

I saw my name in the newspaper and I remembered giving thanks to God then I smiled. Went to my mom’s room and showed her my name, she highlighted it with a smile. I didn’t know that she kept the newspaper with her until now. I knew she was proud of me. I was happy.

It took me months, maybe half a year to get my license. During the waiting period, I decided to apply for work because I was so bored doing nothing in the house. I wanted to earn and I want to earn ASAP. Tried applying in a call center industry but I realized that my body cannot handle graveyard shifts doing nothing but sit in front of the pc.

There was an open door for me. Grabbed it and voila! got accepted in Recruitment. My first job. Wow! I was excited and all. I knew God opened the door for me. What a way to start my year. Immediately fell in love with my work. But there were lots of CHALLENGES but I survived. God’s grace.

Now, it’s my 19 month and I’m still experiencing CHALLENGES BIG TIME. But I decided I don’t want to entertain negative thoughts and made a choice not to get affected with what other people say or think. It’s a hard choice but I know it’ll help me BIG TIME.

I love my work and a few people around me. But almost everyday since I got this job I always think of what God really wants for me. I’ve been praying for it for the longest time and I haven’t got any answers. “If it will take time, I can wait God” I told Him. But while waiting, am I going to stay and work my way for a better position or just wait and let go of this job? Am I to pursue my nursing career and take the NCLEX and go out of this country? Am I to leave the people that I love here for greener pasture? I still don’t know.

I still can’t figure out what to do next. I can’t say I’m confused, it’s too shallow. Maybe the right term’s L-O-S-T. But I strongly believe that God, in His perfect time, will give a clear answer.

I talk alot but I don’t usually talk about my personal life. I’m very particular when it comes to my personal life, especially discussing the lives of the people that I love. I listen, because I love to do that and I listen well. That’s what I usually do. I seldom share and when I share, its not that profound – bits and pieces of what’s happening to my life. It will take me time to really open up, once I figure out the problem and the answer. But that’s not always the case. ( Just sharing  )

When I say I need time to think, I do really need time, I mean space, time for myself, to hibernate. When I have the answer and when I’m ready to share, I’ll share.

For the meantime, I am not ready to share because I’m still in the process of waiting and figuring out stuff in my life.

I really hate the rain.